yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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