I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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