the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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