I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
