I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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