Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
