I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
