Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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