make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
