guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Michael Bay diarrhea
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
