I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
