so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
