You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
