Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
