there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
