I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
