my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
