if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
