i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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