i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize