so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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