I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
