why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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