It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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