he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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