hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
