the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
