I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
