just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
