They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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