This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
