dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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