Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
