I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
