you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
my liver is dry heaving
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