I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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