the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
