Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
