so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
