Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
