it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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