When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
