So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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