You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
