right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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