Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
