I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
