5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
40s are totally the cure
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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