While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
