I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We have so much sex to catch up on
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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