Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
only if we run a train.
done.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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