I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
