who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize