Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
