What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
