Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
