just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
