and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
