did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
