you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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