I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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