Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
