so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize