just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
