From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
