my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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