Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
