I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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