kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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