I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
