then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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