I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
