im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I didn't notice because vodka
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize