btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
