also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
