I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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