bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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