Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
