My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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