does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
