Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
