so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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