Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize