After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
