i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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