Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
