Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
