he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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