Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
