can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Floor bacon is actually really good
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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