Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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