Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
