butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
