is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
