so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
