Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
