He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
