His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
