Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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