she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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