I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
