i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently you make a good broom.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
