she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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