Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
