hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize