Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
